Counseling is uncommon in a military unit, but in any case, since there was an opportunity to do counseling here, I'd intended to do it again whenever I had time. The counseling I'd done at university so far was less about talking through my serious worries and more like going to meet a counselor very comfortably. The reason I invested a fixed time each week, talking about everything from my small everyday life stories to truly thorny topics, was that I figured there's nothing else like it for relieving stress while being able to develop myself.
I wanted to take a personality test. It's because I feel a slight change has come to my human relationships. It seems I'd always prioritized relationships that pursued 'difference.' Then suddenly, only after realizing that 'fact,' I began to change myself a little. Should I say I came to understand a bit what the things people used to tell me meant.... I came to understand what it means that when the other person says A, I'd counter with B. So, when I tried doing a bit of accepting—when the other says A, going 'A, huh.. yeah, I see' and taking it in—maybe because I'd never once done this before (with certain people I'm even convinced I have no memory of doing this), the only person who recently made me experience this is one girlfriend, and whether I'll do it with other people too, I still don't quite know.
The biggest issue I've been agonizing over lately is, as expected, 'studying abroad' VS 'returning to school' VS 'just taking a leave of absence.' Since I came here having finished my second year of university, going abroad to attend a new university isn't an easy matter either (if I study the high school curriculum to some extent and then attend a new university, I'd end up graduating later than if I'd graduated here, and then in the end it would be worse than returning to school right after discharge here and studying like crazy to become a teacher, I suppose...). But it was rather unexpected that the start of all this agonizing was precisely human relationships. I don't think I've ever agonized this seriously over human relationships in my life. Of course I've thought about 'human relationships' themselves many times, but it's because human relationships had never become a variable that tormented me. Saying 'tormented' makes the expression a bit much, but it's certainly true that it's making things hard for me. It's because each option has become ambiguous to choose.
Having attended elementary, middle, and high school all in different districts, I don't really have memories of being close friends with someone for a long time, so I didn't properly know how important a 'friend' is—but after coming to university and living in the dorms for two years, I came to think, ah, so this is what the bond between people is like.... Once I'd encountered the distance of 'closeness,' after first coming to the army I came to understand how precious this 'closeness' is. After telling the counselor that things are such-and-such, I think I feel a bit more at ease.... It was also kind of fun that they found me amazing when I said that even back in school I'd go to counseling once a week just to relieve boredom.
I can't quite guess what content will come out when they interpret the test this coming Thursday, but while checking off the test sheet I learned one thing for sure. That I'm the type who emphasizes rationality rather than bestowing warmth.
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