Studying doesn't seem to be going well these days, and if there's one thing I'm uniquely doing well, it's reading books. For several weeks now my reading has been going so well that I can't explain why; it's as if I've become a master at reading, the way the books just read themselves. The start of it was definitely, I think, Kim Seung-ok's fiction. Before the early-May holidays began, drawn by a strange charm I pulled out Kim Seung-ok's fiction, and after that I read several more of Kim Seung-ok's stories in succession, and after a few classic novels and then reading the Yi Sang Literary Award collection, I ended up buying even the **dongne complete set that put out Park Wan-suh's collection of novellas and short stories. The Yi Mun-yeol award-winning novella and short-story collection put out by Minumsa is a bonus..
Since I keep reading books these days, people have said various things to me.
Whether reading books isn't making me anxious; some said it's a fairly decent escape method in its own way, and some sent gentle worry-tinged comfort, saying at least I'm not drinking. Another saw me as impressive for continuing to place meaning in the very act of reading; well, at any rate, most of the people I meet now had at least a little of the gaze of 'is it okay to be like that?' mixed in.
I'm not sure. It's just that the works keep reading well, and the only thing I can do well is read works. Probably, after this piece I'll simplify my study method. I think I'll choose the study method of simply writing it out many times. Whether for the exam or for the teacher certification exam, in a situation where for some reason I keep failing to find a good study method, the only way after all seems to be to simply write it out. Because it'll be the most effective, simple, and thought-free for me..
It's an exam of rote memorization, which I haven't done much, so that's probably why it's taking this much time..
The writing is strange too; tomorrow I'll read Kim So-jin's novella and short-story collection. This life of continuing to read books, even though I didn't really resolve to read books this semester, was actually one of the ideal lives I dreamed of in university life. A university life of reading many books while contemplating, gaining insight, and pondering this and that was one of my dreams. I've achieved almost all of the dreams of university life. I piled up books in the library and prepared materials to prepare presentations, I dated, I traveled a lot, I went abroad - not for long, but long enough to get accustomed to English - I worked a lot, I finished the military, and I read books. The life I'm spending these days actually feels like almost the complete version of the university life I'd imagined, but it's really hard to shake off the feeling that the exam is weighing me down. I want to postpone the exam, take a leave of absence, and read more books, but I feel that if I take a leave I'd actually end up not being able to read well, so I have a strong thought that I should just maintain things as they are, read books, and study little by little as study goes..
I don't know what to write. Even if told to write a novel, a novel wouldn't get written, but I do feel like writing. But a novel would take a lot of time; it would keep me from doing other things, so I don't want to write a novel. Still, I do want to calm my mind a bit. I want to go back to a state of focusing on studying with few thoughts.
Comments 0
No comments yet. Be the first.