On Reading Eun Hee-kyung's 'Take the Last Dance with Me'

The 'I' that becomes visible when you look at yourself from a distance is both the real me and not me. I sometimes think I'd like to be someone's last dance partner, but if the other person said "You're not the last one," I think I'd say, "Okay, I understand, I've been really grateful all this time. Please don't forget me," and leave. It's truly rare to be thinking of someone and then get a message from that very someone. With such people I always want to say let's meet. Because with that small probability, when I was thinking of you, I received word from you. There were many times I agonized in a relationship with someone over whether this was love or not, but I think it'll be hard to do that from now on. It's true that time is precious. It's nice when the other person is fun, but I empathize that what's even better is when they're simply 'someone I can gaze at.' Because it's enjoying the privilege of simply being able to see them. I don't know whether I'm the kind of partner who puts someone at ease or the kind who makes the other person tense. Still, if anything, I want to make the other person feel at ease. The author's distancing was both more than what I feel and, in some parts, less than it. Among those, along with a few pieces I've left aside, today too I set down my thoughts about this book. Remembering the saying that if love has a reason, that love becomes a heavy love. The not-getting-hurt, the distancing, the taking of a cynical attitude, the protecting of myself that I practiced over the many years of past days come to mind. Over the past two years I tried to shake those off and become warm; have I become a much warmer person? Friend A told me 'one's essence doesn't change,' but I just said that, like a painting using acrylic paint, it's merely the part that hasn't been covered over yet as you layer it on. Because it's not as if nothing changes.