Can We Be Perfect in Love?

It wasn't recently; it was about 3 months ago. As I recall, the time was early October. Since today is December 1, that makes it 2 months ago, yes, 2 months ago. It's something from 2 months ago. I'm going to write about 'perfection,' which came to mind while listening to a certain person's story.

That friend (for convenience I'll call them A. I have a great many friends who get called 'A' like this. Because they all gain anonymity when they're 'A.' The moment I try to call someone 'A,' someone else 'B,' and yet another 'C,' I get confused myself, and the people listening to or reading my stories would probably start comparing whether it's the previous 'A' or 'B.' Anyway, 'A' was a person who pursued perfection in romance.

For A, perfection meant perfection toward oneself. What kinds of things make up perfection toward oneself? I think the thought of 'I must not hurt the other person' is also a perfection toward oneself. And thinking that the end of this relationship is marriage is also, I think, a small perfection. Thinking 'I must not act two-faced' is also perfection, I think, and thinking 'we must not fight' is also perfection, I think. From what I've experienced, a relationship with someone you love wasn't greatly different from relationships with other people. You go through conflict just the same, share emotions just the same, and are comforted just the same. It's just that the topics of conflict are a little different, the way of sharing emotions is slightly different, and the topics or situations of being comforted are different; in my view, romance as an 'act' falls within the category of ordinary human relationships. From this perspective of mine, in A's words and in A's eyes as I looked at them, there leaked out feelings somewhat like a slight regret about their own past.

If it was 'God' who created the world, then that 'God' did not make humans perfect beings but made them imperfect beings. And if it was not 'God' but a product of 'evolution' that created the world, then as a result of that 'evolution,' I think that in most cases it's rare for a single being - humans and all beings included - to be able to be perfect. Even hermaphroditic creatures have evolved in the direction of choosing and having one sex, and God too separated humans into man and woman, making them start out as lacking beings. I think this lacking-ness applies to ordinary personality as well.

The reason I can't be perfect, the reason you can't be perfect, is, I think, because we've thrust some abstract concept called 'perfection' onto a concrete being. What would a perfect gene be - a gene with no illness and outstanding physical and intellectual ability? Can such people really properly empathize with others who are different from themselves? The standard of perfection is always relative. I think the statement 'You're perfect to me' is rightly interpreted as 'You're perfect to me alone. As for whether others feel that way, I don't really know.' Because my tastes differ from that person's, and because of those differing tastes, even the abstract image of perfection appears as different concrete forms.

That friend A felt that lacking-ness got in the way of romance. Now I don't really know. But I think they've probably become more generous than before. After all, it's within the process of a lacking being loving a lacking being that a human can step one step closer toward the 'perfection' they aspire to. So I often tell people this.

"It's okay, you're allowed to."