Ever since becoming a university student and starting to agonize over how on earth my personality was formed, I've been moving toward a state where, gaining various conclusions one by one, I can 'explain' the reason for an action when someone asks me about it; the conclusions I've reached this way are things like these.
1. Behaving like a gentleman ; In Haruki Murakami's 'Norwegian Wood,' a character named 'Nagasawa' says a line about 'behaving like a gentleman,' and that line goes like this: 'A gentleman is someone who does what he ought to do.' Ever since reading this passage, I agonize over 'what I ought to do' and put it into practice. This still holds true today. Because the 'values' that can determine 'what I ought to do' are still not 100 percent complete, when I'm not sure, the agonizing tends to begin.
2. Listening attentively to others' stories ; This is one of the 'listening skills' that I feel I've internalized only quite recently. There are various reasons, but it seems that conversing through 'listening' lets you close the distance with the other person a little more. Also, most people need someone 'to listen to their story.'
3. 'Acting morally' ; The moral knowledge I learned at school remains as part of the criteria by which I judge moral action. In a society said to be one where 'morality' is dead, many people might ask back what use there is in keeping morality, and there are people who say keeping morality is something only children do, but nevertheless 'being moral' still feels to me like something to be pursued. If you really take away 'morality,' what would be left—probably just a corpse.
4. Values about clothing ; For example, I'm on the side that agrees with propositions like 'I express my mood through clothes,' or 'clothes should be wearable in various colors,' or 'cultivate my own style.' But these are also things I brought into my own values by judging, from stories I heard since very early childhood, that 'this feels okay.' That's also why I'm very interested in clothes. To give one example, a friend who grew up under parents who wanted to dress her in skirts, and who somehow disliked 'skirts,' ended up not wearing skirts much once she became a university student. In other words, whether it's some 'education' or 'approach,' once you come to dislike it, a value of 'I dislike it' forms about it, but otherwise, if you keep encountering it in a situation where there's no 'like/dislike,' I think it's more likely to tilt toward 'like.' I think people are more likely to give higher marks to 'familiar things.'
5. Respecting others ; This one is a bit of a long story, but the way to respect is simple. For me, respecting 'the other person's choices' is the most basic and the only method. When it's 'another person's affair,' even if that person asks for help, I limit myself to providing more detailed 'information about the options' or letting them know the 'results' they'll get by choosing an option—I don't say things like such-and-such would be good. That's how I try to respect others' lives. It's difficult, but I think 'others' have a scope that 'others' must take responsibility for. I think I shouldn't get involved in the parts I can't take responsibility for. I don't want to, either. It's an individualistic way of respecting others, I suppose. When you do that, any choice the other person makes doesn't actually become a 'problem.' Rather, for me, because that person chose it, I tend to gain the room to respect it.
Well, that's about it.. I think organizing a piece like this after counseling will be a bit helpful. She told me to think about whether to talk about 'family matters' next week, but it might end up being on the not-doing side. The truth is, my thoughts about family have converged a lot and are in the process of being 'sorted out,' so even without anyone's help they'll probably get better gradually. Wouldn't it be better to talk about something else rather than family..
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